A descent into the female gaze
What is the female gaze? It makes perfect sense, is unbelievably feral, and completely chaotic all at once.
When Anatomy of a Fall hit Hulu last month, I very gladly rewatched what was one of my favorite movies of 2023.
It’s an excellent procedural drama, but I was once again distracted by Vincent, played by French actor Swann Arlaud, who was dubbed by the internet as the Sexy French Lawyer.
It reminded me of a conversation I had with a man (whom I have mercifully not talked to since) when the movie first came out.
He praised the performances: Sandra Hüller as the brilliant writer on trial, Milo Machado-Graner as the sensitive, visually-impaired son, and Swann as Vincent, Sandra’s lawyer.
“He was so compelling to watch in the courtroom,” he said.
“Definitely. He’s also, you know,” I said.
“What?” He asked.
“Hot,” I replied.
I have never seen a look of such genuine befuddlement in my life. “You think the French lawyer is hot?”
He said it with the same derision and judgment one would expect from the question: “You think Barney the Dinosaur is hot?”
If I were 100% truthful, I would’ve said no, I didn’t just think he was hot. I would have said that I was haunted by the Sexy French Lawyer. That I searched for a hint of Sexy French Lawyer in the faces of men who crossed my path. I would have told him that my life was irrevocably changed, ruined even, by the idea of the Sexy French Lawyer.
But instead, I said, “Yes?”
Now, after having some distance from what I can only describe as my feral obsession with the Sexy French Lawyer, I can see why he was so confused. Arlaud, 43, is neither tall nor muscular; he is slight and of less-than-average height, has greying hair, thin lips, and bags under his eyes.
Nevertheless I — and so many other women — think he’s hot.
It is a stance I unashamedly stand by. The Sexy French Lawyer is an excellent example of the female gaze — and how some men will never understand.
The female gaze is, according to TheFemaleGaze.com:
“The female gaze” is a term used to describe the way visual media (film, photography, art) can depict a female view of the world. Specifically, the “gaze” is an appraising eye, sometimes sexualized, that represents the perspective of either the director, a character or the audience. The “female gaze” presupposes the audience to be female and caters to her presupposed desires.
I recently watched a TikTok that argues that the female gaze doesn’t exist in real life, because it’s a film device. Essentially she says that “the female gaze” has become an umbrella term that refers to female desires and preferences. And, because we are not characters on a screen or a page, we cannot apply lenses to real life.
To an extent, I think she’s right — technical terms are often misused and misconstrued on social media, and wildly catch on.
But what I think she missed is that, while we aren’t characters in a movie, we can still perceive and interpret the world around us through a specific lens or gaze (or in other words, a point of view), and act accordingly.
I will say this: because the female gaze is a relatively new film device, and because the film industry in general is predominately male, it’s not well-defined yet. And, because (to the above point) it is a film device, applying it — and therefore defining it — to real life is tricky.
If I had to boil down the female gaze, it’d be as this: it values what women value. It sees the world as women see it.
I like how Vulture defined the female gaze in 2018: “What is the female gaze, then? It’s emotional and intimate. It sees people as people. It seeks to empathize rather than to objectify. (Or not.)”
In 2019, Clue, a menstrual dating app, conducted a study to find what women were looking for in a partner. (I used this stat previously, but it’s just as relevant here).
The top trait was kindness, followed by supportiveness, intelligence, education, and confidence.
While the traits women value are pretty explicitly mapped out, I think there could be room for misinterpretation. For example: intelligence, through the male gaze, could easily turn into superiority and mansplaining.
But intelligence, through the female gaze, could be a man who voraciously reads. Maybe he’s reading on the subway, wearing a cozy sweater, and peering through round, wire-framed glasses.
Confidence could be warped into, through the male gaze, a tough alpha male. But confidence, through the female gaze, could simply be a man comfortable in his masculinity.
We also cannot talk about the female gaze without discussing physical attraction. But this is also something that men get wrong. They assume women value the same physical traits they do, when in reality, they’re not even a priority.
The male gaze dissects a woman into two, seemingly ideal body parts: breasts and butt. (And if you lived before the 1920’s: ankles, probably).
Men assume that women do the same to them, boiling men down into what they think are their most desirable physical traits: abs, and maybe biceps and shoulders.
Women do appreciate those physical traits, but the female gaze romanticizes and fixates other things: hair. Hands. The neck. Collarbones. Veins. Forearms.
Imperatively, body type is not as important as many men think. There was a TikTok circulating a while ago where a guy — tall, a little on the bigger side, and pretty cute — asked women on the street if they’d date him if he was skinny. Every woman said that they’d date him right now.
The men in the comments could not believe that the women were telling the truth. One comment said, “There’s no way it can be that simple?”
Someone replied, “It really is. Just be a good person.”
Let’s get back to the Sexy French Lawyer. He has inarguably incredible hair. Beautiful blue eyes. Great hands, that are often cradling a cigarette between two fingers (which, despite health risks, some women find sexy). He can rock a cozy sweater, which is imperative for the female gaze.
Beyond his physicality, he is clearly a smart and competent lawyer. He asks probing questions. He navigates the courtroom with ease, precision, and confidence. This, in itself, is sexy.
But, most importantly, he is devoted and tender. He can yearn. We know that Vincent was hopelessly in love with Sandra when they were at school and presumably, he still is.
We last see Sexy French Lawyer when, while he and Sandra are at a celebratory dinner, he affectionally caresses Sandra’s cheek. She leans against him and he cradles her head between his neck and his shoulder.
It’s a seemingly small and innocent gesture, but the thought behind it, the emotion behind it, and the tension that comes from it, is hot. It just is!! That’s what makes the Sex French Lawyer sexy.
The female gaze is funny. It can be found in a real-life man, a character, a gesture, or a moment.
One of the most famous moments that is certainly the female gaze occurs when, in Pride & Prejudice (2005), Mr. Darcy gives his hand to help Elizabeth step up onto the carriage. Presumably electrified by their first physical touch, he flexes his hand.
Another great, but not as universally admired, female gaze moment from Pride & Prejudice is when Mr. Bingley trails Jane at a ball and briefly, delicately holds onto her dress.
An excellent female gaze scene is in George of the Jungle. George is ethereally chasing a horse around in a billowing white shirt while the women dreamily watch on.
There can be specific men that are the female gaze. Dev Patel is the female gaze basically all the time. Not just because he’s tall and handsome, but because he seems kind, genuine, and thoughtful.
Pedro Pascal is 100% the female gaze, because he is charming, goofy, and authentic — but more specifically, he is the female gaze at the SAG awards this year, with tousled hair and a deeply unbuttoned button-down shirt.
Chris Evans could be the female gaze, not with his shirt off and/or as Captain America, but instead while wearing that incredible sweater in Knives Out or simply being cute with his dog.
Male K-pop idols have also capitalized on the female gaze, wearing glitter and makeup while retaining the lust of their primarily female fan base.
This is a controversial take: Jeremy Allen-White is the female gaze, not because of his impressive abs, but because he is the father of two daughters and plays a character with just the right amount of self-loathing in The Bear.
The female gaze is definitely Hozier. The man can yearn.
There are plenty of characters that have been dubbed the epitome of the female gaze. Consider Hot Priest from Fleabag — played by the cute, but short and by no means conventionally handsome Andrew Scott — who Phoebe Waller-Bridge describes as “a kind, but complex man” in Fleabag: The Scriptures.
Fleabag has an initial attraction to Hot Priest, but it finally blooms into a crush when he reveals a dorky pun he wrote for the parish magazine. “Oh God,” she says. “I fancy a priest.”
Other examples include Diego Luna in Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. He’s short and very small, but man, the boy can dance.
Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings trilogy is also a great example of the female gaze — not only because he can wield a sword, but because of his undying loyalty to his friends.
Another great example is Tony in Brooklyn, who looks at Eilis (played by Saoirse Ronan) like she’s the most miraculous thing, and he can’t believe she fell into his lap.
Apparently some moms are into the dad from Bluey (who is, yes, a cartoon dog) because he’s a supportive father?
Also, the entire cast of Dead Poets Society. This one is pretty self-explanatory.
My other personal favorites: Hae Sung in Past Lives (pining, yarning, devotion!); Connell in Normal People (sensitive, loves to read and write); Alain Laubrac in Mixte 1963 (sweet, affectionate, loves to read); and Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables (academic, kind, capacity to yearn).
There are many more. While writing this, I remembered a quote that was popular on Tumblr a few years ago:
The female gaze can be sexual but it’s always tender, always a person and never just a body.
The female gaze is both encompassing and in the details, but it’s not elusive. Critics say that it’s just a fantasy, but how depressing would that be?
At the end of the day, the female gaze is about empathy, kindness, humanity, connection, and tenderness. And, at the very least, the female gaze both values and asks for more decency from men (and, to an extent, society).
I keep on thinking back to that one TikTok comment — is it really that easy? “It really is. Just be a good person.”